Sweet September.

I’m a firm believer of experience leading to growth. This year has been a long, dragged out journey of evaluating self worth and introspecting on all one’s past decisions. It never dawned upon me that we may never get time like this ever again to sit and stare at walls and contemplate, what does the future hold for me? How far have I come in this journey that I started a while ago? Well, mine for one, was tumultous. People strive for simplicity and some of us get it easier than the rest, but again what is life without drama?

In a year like 2020, we really start seeing the silver lining quite distinctly and start counting the things we’re thankful for. I open up this discussion for all my readers, Let me start by telling by naming a few people/ scenarios/ change in dynamics I am grateful for. Firstly, all the new friends who’ve stuck by me through thick and thin and the old ones for growing closer and keeping me essentially grounded to my roots.

Secondly, to someone with absolutely no time or patience to segregate music by genre/artist I discovered that I like Jazz, Indie folk and Alt. Indie and have been able to actually align my interests to a shared and stolen playlist. Didn’t know I could have a fangirl phase for a band other than the former one direction, but AJR and Beach Fossils have captured my attention. Listing these have helped me realise that this year was more than just sitting at home and being unproductive. Learning French was always on my bucket list and I just hoped to God that I’m not 27 before I get time and voila! This year I was able to do French and German A1 all because my day freed up. I got out of a toxic, emotionally exhausting relationship that allowed me to redefine what I look for in a relationship/ significant other. I’ve learnt to be happy and content in my own company and handle the silence with the same joy as a busy, occupied mind. A newfound passion for yoga that let me free my mind and feel thankful for the little things we find, trivial, like your bones sustaining you and your lungs letting you breathe life. Life isn’t normal but it adapts and brings people to accomodate into a new sense of normalcy. If we all try to appreciate the little gestures and well wishing acquaintances, your routine might just feel a little lighter on your shoulder. I’m almost turning this into a sappy unrealistic post, so I’ll take my leave to come back with another edgy topic !

Au revoir! a demain!

The desi-urbanners.

Chapter 1 of XX

The rebellious urbanner young adult returns with another episode on why the stereotypes of having unconditional love for your parents is a sham. Under the umbrella category of stereotypes, today I’d like to discuss the Indian version of why some of aren’t attached to our parents once the umbilical cord is cut off. In ancient times and present, parents in India are viewed as a Godlike entity, but in pairs that look after you and make choices that go exceptionally well in deciding your future. Then there are the Westerners who disillusion us with the theory “focus on the present”. Umm hello, we have decided how many funds to invest in and if we want a pensionable job when we are 14. We view our parents as a respectable and authoritative figure who really aren’t capable of affection unless it’s in the form of school fees, shelter over your head for a rainy day or a fixed deposit account for their daughter’s marriage.

Growing up Desi, I’ve never known what it feels like to tell my parents “I love you” or even hug them unless it’s a group photo at a third cousin’s wedding where you squirm awkwardly and your dad’s hands are placed ever so fragilely as if your shoulders were a lamppost made out of glass. To us being grateful, is just smiling and nodding at your parents when they gift you something. You may say a thank you to show your pedigree qualities but that’s about it, with the pleasantries. When I see movies portraying the unconditional love and support between parents and their children, I am more confused than I would be viewing a science fiction movie. Of course, the idea is one that is socially appreciable and one would applaud the movie makers for promoting filial love and benevolence but just like many existing stereotypes, I believe this stereotype needs to be broken too.

I think change begins with what we read, what we watch and hear. The only movies ever made are ones that show children weeping tirelessly when they go abroad to study or settle and how much they wish they could sit in their mother’s laps till they’ve been hushed away. Dear Bollywood, here is a reality check. Most of us do not get along too well with our parents and our ideologies, perspectives and opinions clash constantly. The idea that some of us do not prefer the company of our birth givers need to be normalized. There is no love lost but when I give my speech for appearing in Forbes 30 under 30, I’m not going to waste a minute of my speech telling an audience about how thankful I am for supportive parents and friends when I know to a large extent that the non-conducive learning environment at home was just another obstacle I had to get over by myself to get to where I am, presently. Now all this may be looked upon and my essay might be an example of bad upbringing, well I am from a Brahmin conventional family who still worship many Gods and stick to being vegetarian and I don’t know what describes pedigree better than that. In addition to this much needed and non-discussed topic, I’d like to add that people should be entitled to express their opinions without having their upbringing questioned. By agreeing to disagree with my parents, I do not hate my parents but simple accept the fact that I do feel comfortable enough to lead my own life without their presence. I recently watched a video that helped to understand why the environment at home might get so conflicted and tense at times. Click on this link to know more- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFQmHM0ZNdM

To the unloved ones.

Did they ever tell you, that being born in a different gender meant you’d get significantly a lot more love than usual? Well, I wasn’t given that disclaimer too. Like most Terms and Conditions clauses, we scroll right to the bottom without even giving it a glance, in the hopes that it won’t really screw us over. I liked it when I was young. Added to the childlike innocence, and godlike naivety, as children we also possess blind faith. I had lethal levels of the third quality in me believing that family is a pillar you could lean back on for support and love, any time you felt like and they’re probably the only people who really understand you and don’t form judgments or biases on you.

Would it be criminal of me to state that in fact, my classmate whom I studied with 4 years ago knows more about me than the people I call my family? I guess one could go on to say that you start looking for affection outside when you feel like the internal sources are lacking. As a brown kid, I was genetically engineered to hating my dad’s side and they gave me innumerable reasons for the same. In Gen Z Lingo, we call them “snakes”. My mum’s family, was my solace. My safe haven. I was convinced that they are the family that would stand up for me, the picture perfect representation, just like in “Pursuit of Happyness”. Your entire life you are led to living in a bubble that you are truly loved for the person that you are and are absolutely irreplaceable then reality sort of slaps you in the face when you’re 19 and says “Wake Up!”.

We are creatures with an ill-built fragility. We can be pathetic and admirable, all at the same time. What makes us into the persons we become in our later life? Education? Morals? Family? Food for thought. If you chose, family, I’ll help you elucidate. The people in my life, as I believed blindly were the only ones from whom I seek validation from. One day, I woke up and felt different. Something had changed. The sky was clear and I got over a cloudy judgment. I realized , love came with a price. Being a son. It wasn’t a choice given to most of us. I wish we all could choose the things we’d have to undergo to be loved by our kin “unconditionally”. In Indian society, the girl is only predominantly part of her father’s family, until she becomes her husband’s “property”. It’s like, we are constantly treated like second class citizens in our maternal household. They say people are immune to change and a person’s character built over years in almost deep rooted and unchangeable under most circumstances. How long will we let ourselves be trampled upon like doormats by those we “believe” would love us just because we fall in the bracket called ‘family’ ?

#BreakTheChain #StayStrong.

Coronacation- day x.

As Anne Frank made an entry, somewhere in the 1940s when she first went into hiding, it read something like, “We are a patch of blue sky surrounded by menacing black clouds. The perfectly round spot on which we’re standing is still safe, but the clouds are moving in on us, and the ring between us and the approaching danger is being pulled tighter and tighter. We’re surrounded by darkness and danger, and in our desperate search for a way out we keep bumping into each other. We look at the fighting down below and the peace and beauty up above. In the meantime, we’ve been cut off by the dark mass of clouds, so that we can go neither up nor down. It looms before us like an impenetrable wall, trying to crush us, but not yet able to.”

21 March, 2020

Dear Kitty,

Day 11 of Quarantine- History has a way of repeating itself and I couldn’t agree more with Harry Potter. Life is at a standstill and I am tired of hearing the word ‘social distancing’ than the actual practice. The apocalypse seems ever so near, but sure call it my paranoia. We are on the verge of a purge with people criminally stocking up on essentials that create an artificial scarcity. In a world where people are scared to go outside their homes to glance at the sunset, I live in a country where people who test positive for the COVID-19 are running away? Would you believe that? There are morons that are outright escaping, the miracles of modern medicine and the aid that it provides. It’s hilarious to see the unaffected clad up in protective gear while the confirmed patients run free trying to share this blessing!

Moving on to the real concern, my extrovert-ism is really getting the better of me. It was fun being this social creature when you could have interaction with the fellow beings without the fear of actually contracting a deadly virus that could kill you, again, trying not to exaggerate. I read a tweet on how my generation could use the almost war veteran like words, ” We lived through the epidemic in quarantine and still managed to get ourselves educated, so what is your excuse?”. This is the generation of memes and animosity. Before we make true light of a situation, we have 1000 comical references made about the situation that we do tend to forget the real issue at hand. As days go by, the numbers increase in multiples of 10 and we can only hope it is not someone we know or have interacted with. Never have we, as the student population been more excited and enthusiastic to write exams than now. Never have we felt the urge to go out and ‘explore’ and fulfill the wanderlust than now. Human tendency is all about paradoxical behavior if you ask me. We do what we’re forbidden from, it’s like reverse psychology is the real psychology. It’s going to be a ride now that we’re all entering a phase of official lock-down. We can only hope that the coming days, won’t resemble the plague of the 15th century. Until next time!

Prelude.

Somewhere along the lines of keeping busy and staying busy, I let go of all the things that made me standout as an individual and became consumed by the quintessentials of being the average teenager. I tried so hard to fit in because I feel mentally older than I am and although it’s a blessing in disguise it somehow unappealed to me as I lost my fun self and every bad decision of a friend was my cautionary tale. I’ve been the kind of person to encourage self love and self appreciation but these days I find myself lacking. Lacking as a person. Lacking in character. Lacking in charm. It’s not essential to have a companion at 17 but sometimes I wonder why won’t anyone accompany me at 17? What is the X Factor that I lack? Is outward appearance the penultimate factor to being loved? If not, my argument would stand weak. I do talk to boys and put my fake face on with all smiles and witty sayings but I seem to grow tired of them sooner than I want to express them. Loneliness has made me vulnerable and initially I was happy. On days like these I feel like the gaunt thrush in Tom Hardy’s The Darkling Thrush. I find myself entangled in a web of mixed feelings and troubled thoughts but unable to decipher what it is that really troubles me. I used to read and I was so happy but times changed the only thing that was a true virtue and I feel bland and dull and at the peak of human mediocrity and mediocres don’t make it out big. I feel awfully melancholic for being seventeen but ofcourse, this is just a Prelude to Monday Blues.

Fondue.

He was there everywhere. I knew him too well and didn’t know him at all. His chocolate coloured eyes always invited attractions from all corners of our cosmopolitan city. I was the one yearning for his attention. If he just knew how much I think about him and our future family. If only he knew I’d let my sons call him dad and ask him to teach them to play baseball. I’m also sure he’s unaware of the fact that I’m completely smitten with him and all I can think of is making his family mine and having evening tea with his mom, addressing her the same way that he does. It sounded cliche and inspired by a movie but ofcourse love can’t be planned strategically. It happens when we’re least expecting it and I await the day our parallel paths cross each other. Is it so hard to turn an illusion into reality when the chances of us ever meeting are in the tenth percentile? So many improbabilities before the start of something flowery but my paradoxical nature doesn’t stop dreaming. It’s hard to picture a future with anyone else but him. My sweet memories which haven’t been made yet, consist of deep hugs and tugging at his beautifully coiffed hair and kissing him until the stars explode and comets pass by and staying oblivious to it all because this person in front of me is the only vision of a large universe I perceive. I lack rational thought every time I see him, my pupils dilate and I know there’s a science behind it all, but right now we back it up with one simple tragic word called love. Tragedy is constantly by my side because nothing I’ve ever touched has failed to let me down at some point of time. But he seems to me, a beautiful tragedy I’d tread upon and pick up the shattered pieces and fix them one by one, bruising myself in the process but this beautiful boy, Oh I’d be lucky to have him in my arms for a night till he realises he’s completely lost his way.

Thank God I’ve some Freedom. (Modified TGIF)

Su Casa Mi Casa, Al.

She listens to the radio at night and as old school as that may seem, she’s having a Friday party night in the very safe enclosures of her house as that’s the only party she was allowed to be exposed to. What would you know about orthodoxies when your curfew ends at 11 or is non existent? Do you know the pain hidden behind a million books in her bookshelf and the secret diaries hidden amongst them? Would you realize the word freedom held more importance in her heart than that of ferverent nationalists struggling against the tyranny of oppressive foreigners? The tyranny was forever existent in her life in subtle yet strong ways and the conflict lied in her hearts. She felt pity for the women in Taliban dominant areas and thanked her lucky stars for having the meagre freedom of attending school. What is fun to her ? Reading a book or starting a TV show, perhaps your after party plan but her only resort to escape the alarming reality that quarantines her desires to live according to “her rules”. The rules were laid down, the path to be followed, just like a horse, no wandering was to be tolerated. Freedom of speech was surely appreciated in the country but hushed down in the household. What power does a meek feminist hold over a majority of chauvinists? Religion is the way of life and spirituality is the modern way of thinking that would definitely lead the family to disgrace. As if changing schools weren’t enough, the way she looked had to be changed, reputations to be gained. In the world of uncertainties, she always hoped for a miracle and the probability was barely plausible. Hope is a strong word and a glint of it was enough to spark the efforts towards that little beacon of light.

Hope you’ve liked this original piece. Happy reading until then.

IT’S TIME.

It’s funny don’t you think when people threaten each other with something as inconspicuous as ‘time’.

Time (n.)- the indefinite continued progress of existence and events in the past, present, and future regarded as a whole. The definition however does not satisfy the curiosity to know more about this supernatural thing or feeling called time. Time has been created from the day the first ape-evolved man set foot on this earth. Atleast, that’s what we’ve been told, that time dates back to uncountable years (pun intended) but how do we know the factual data of such a theory? No man has ever proved the existence of time nor does he have the resources to prove so in the near future. Time machines and portals have yet another century to come into existence although the concept seems plausible to a sci-fi fan. Even though we have been unsuccessful at proving the existence of this overpowering process called time, we have managed to make our lives revolve around this barrier. The deadline or resistance to our vulnerable human tendencies, called “time”. Every aspect of our life has time. Man too has measured years and we term it as “life span”. The countdown starts the day we enter this galaxy. Time is such a strong factor. It heals us, hurts us, changes us and brings back memories. We relate the events in our life to this factor. Time can make us better or worse. Time saves us, but also kills. This mysterious factor has become such an inevitable part of our life that we tie it on our wrists and hang it on the walls of our home. We live our entire lives waiting for time to pass by. Time is like a circus, always packing up and moving away. I think it’s high time I jot down my favorite appeal about time. The countdown to a birthday, Christmas or New Year’s is always exciting and joyous. The time for people to come together and share a cherished bond! Time can be your friend if you’re punctual towards him.

Until next time,

Happy Reading.

 

New day,new post.

Hello, viewers.

This is my blog and I will be writing my thoughts out loud. Random thoughts that run in my mind at an unfathomable speed.

Today, I’d just share my thoughts on life. Life is making a stranger into a best friend and sharing a house with people you call “family”. Life is when two old men walk in the park and share stories of their youth with pride. Life is welcoming a new member into your large family. Life is procrastinating stuff knowing the consequences. Life is a series of overcoming mishaps and embarrassments, but life would not be adventurous without all those challenges. We spend our entire lives into thinking and reasoning out problems, trying to erase the past and worrying about the future.

They say life is full of obstacles and happiness is momentary. It is because the happiness lasts when overcoming one fear before entering the next. Our lives are as uncertain as a spider that builds it’s webs in the darkest corner of the tunnel away from the winter or breeze or like a wren’s nest that lies open to all threats from every corner. The fear of facing a difficulty brings down your confidence and you curse your sole existence, but you must know that the sunshine is at the other end of the tunnel. Life is like a deer being chased by the leopard that runs at an unimaginable speed, where you are the deer and your challenges, the leopard. Time, like the leopard, is fleeting and change is the only inevitable constant in this entire universe. Finally, Life is like a sitcom where you play the role of the protagonist and the antagonist and emerge out as the hero in the midst of strife. Therefore my viewers, Life is one hell of a ride and don’t hesitate to take the front seat!

Happy reading until then.